Sunday 4 December 2011

I asked Cruse, the bereavement charity if they would write a foreword for my book.

I received this in reply from the editor of their journal. You can see why I retired from being a therapist.


I’m sorry to disappoint you – we don’t provide forewords for books unless we are directly involved in their writing. It’s a decision we have had to take as we receive so many requests, which is gratifying but hard to meet within our scant resources. Perhaps more fundamentally, putting our name to a book implies endorsement, which necessitates having to agree standards of what we might, or might not, regard as an acceptable standard of description of personal grief. This we consider completely inappropriate.

Why On earth would it possibly mean that?
I don't suppose it is intended, which just shows insensitivity. What you have written is foolish and offensive. So much of the professional response to people's grief is belittling. My Cruse counsellor was very good, but the administration of my case in the first place was mediocre at best. I have not written about that. Perhaps I will. As retired director of a school of psychotherapy and also once an NHS Aids Co-ordinator, I don't need to let this kind of pomposity bother me. But I never saw anything so pompous, so self important.

What incredible arrogance to write that you might ever be able to decide an "acceptable standard of description of personal grief."
You are a charity offering volunteer amateur counselling not a Government Department.
The procrustean bed that has been made for counselling by modern bureaucracy seems to have infected even the volunteer level. A little humility might come in useful.
As if anyone could possibly have an acceptable standard of description of personal grief. Acceptable to whom? God. As my dead wife Gill would have said, this is "barking mad."

Grief, and how people choose to describe it, is indeed very personal, as is how individuals respond to accounts of bereavement and grief, and not something on which we want to pronounce judgement.

You already did.

We are always delighted and grateful if someone wishes to include our contact details in their book, and we would be pleased if you wanted to do so.

I’m afraid the journal also took an editorial decision not to publish personal accounts of bereavement. So many are published and we just don’t have room in the journal, as we publish only 3 times a year. Again, it doesn’t feel right to be pronouncing critical judgement from an academic viewpoint on personal accounts.


I wonder what kind of critical judgement from an academic viewpoint you would have made on some of Kubler Ross's work.

Thursday 10 November 2011

A journey through grief: the book

When light is fading from the day
Before night comes
I will remember you
Your light burned brightly
As the shadows grew

When the sun sinks slowly downwards
Turning the western sky to gold
I will remember you
And the riches you brought me
That suffusing warmth I knew

When the sun becomes a ball of fire
And the sky a vivid glorious red
I will remember you
The passion in our loving
Never stale and always new

When the sun is gone and the sky turns black
When the moon and stars emerge once more
I will remember you
Reflecting inwards on the life we shared

I know the world will be restored
And that our love was true

Nick Owen copyright 2007


Grief has come back to me in heavy waves this week. i had thought I was recovering and in so many ways I am. But I shall maybe never fully recover from losing my love. I wrote this poem while going round a theme park with Gill, or maybe just the boys. So sad I don't remember! I was not thinking at all about Gill dying. I thought this would make a good card poem for my new series "Poetry and Picture cards" I guess when I make the card the words will go better on the back. You tell me.

Tuesday 8 November 2011

Hack Hack Hack Hack

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/15644038

The Murdochs may find it harder and harder to wriggle out of responsibility for their minions' intrusion into the private lives of British citizens both great and small.

I am not sure if it is more surprising that it has taken so long for even a part of the truth to be told, or the vast extent of the spy tentacles of the Murdoch empire into the life of our nation.

I have been concerned for a long time that we are living in a Police State. I was relieved when the Cameron Government started to take steps to reverse that development.

I had no idea that this pivate enterprise was able to recruit ex-policemen, and MI5 trained ones at that, to do work which makes the state's surveillance systems seem quite restricted.

It always amazed me that even the John Prescott's of this world were unable to get the ball rolling on exposing Murdoch and Co.

I begin to understand the terrible power and control that our politicians had given away to them now.

Can we take it back?

Who knows?

I have noticed how privatised military outfits took over policing powers in Iraq from the US army. Blackwater was well named.

Maybe it should have occurred to me that the multi-national company is often bigger and more powerful than the state, and that their activities would not be limited to law abiding behaviour.

Still naive after all these years, eh?

Monday 7 November 2011

Oxford; Burning Man


The rise and possible fall of the wicker man


Far away from the encampments in London and Wall Street, where very peaceful protesters sit patiently for social justice to appear from some celestial plain, Oxford erected its Wicker Man. Designed by children to support a cancer charity, it makes me think of a more terrible cancer at the heart of our body politic. It has been touring the towns all round the county. I saw it at the Wychwood Fair in Cameron's own back yard, near Witney.

http://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.143560239070619.32029.103566629736647&type=1

It seems that we have forgotten poor old Guy Fawkes and his barrels of gun powder under the houses of parliament. We are not bothered about the bickering Christians and their luke-warm support for poor people sleeping at the feet of the bankers’ gleaming spires. We have even changed our minds about King's marrying catholics.

We might just be returning to Paganism. I heard no screams from any bankers, buried in the fiery heart of the vast wicker sculpture that was set aflame in South Park on November the fifth. But I can record that there was a particularly demonic figure revealed, when the wood had all burned away. It seems that there is something hideous at the heart of our business world that cannot be destroyed by the fire of our every day anger.

It also seems that the purgatory fires of the financial melt down in 2008 left the ugly inner realities, almost the same as their outer forms, still standing.

The Prime Minister of Greece now falls at the feet of the money brokers who do not care for a democratic response to their country’s and Europe’s financial crisis. How infuriating of him to seek some kind of popular endorsement for the austerity foisted on ordinary people, while the power elites continue with no adjustments to their own wealth and status.

When London burned, back in the summer, there were few voices raised to stand up against the torrent of invective which was turned on the under class by the men in power. There were no bankers strung up on the capitals splendid riverside lamp posts. People who felt they had too little of the wealth of the bankers merely wanted to steal some for themselves.

Jesus Christ threw the money me out of the temple. They run his show today.

After the politicians’ expenses scandal and the more extreme scandals of corruption of Government by Murdoch media, and the elite’s massive payouts to each other for the failure and duplicity of their executives, the poor might have expected to be forgiven for dipping their own hands in the till of Mammon.

No chance. It was exemplary prison sentences for this rabble. On the other hand, just four members of parliament went to prison, when even the home secretary was cheating on the nation. The worst bankers slipped away with their pension pots intact, under legal agreements that could not be questioned by courts or politicians.

Bonuses are as high today as they were before. RBS declares another bean-feast today on the back of falling profits.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2058354/RBS--500m-bonuses-casino-bankers-despite-collapse-profits.html?ito=feeds-newsxml

In spite of the fact that we all now know that phone hacking was endemic in the Murdoch press for years, no one new has yet been sent to prison, or even sent to trial.

Since the prince of darkness, Peter Mandelson, declared his state of extreme relaxation around increasing wealth for the wealthy, it appears the whole country has begun to worship Money. Everything today is given a cash value. There is very little chance of a Big Society emerging that can live by any other value. Cameron is Thatcher's heir. He cannot escape her legacy of, "There is no such thing as society."

I don’t suppose many people think mythologically today. The Gods are supposed to be dead. A mere three million ever visit a Christian church. But the Old Gods are returning. Pluto was the Roman God of the underworld. He was the God of wealth. The Greeks called him Hades. Once you cross into his territory there is very little hope of return. Hades is the Lord of Death. He is the Lord of all today.

It is not Jesus Christ who has conquered death in this brave new world, however. The bankers’ towers dwarf the little edifice of St Paul's. These are the cathedrals to Pluto.

As floods swept into the Thai capital last week only the big banks had vast sand bag walls to keep the wet away.

There needs to be no death and/or resurrection for our moneyed men. They do not throw themselves from penthouse windows as the stock brokers did, when the slump was as bad back in the thirties. No-one drags their bodies out into the streets. They just sit tight and carry on as if nothing had changed. It is all a matter of confidence. Magicians are also sons of Pluto and his minister, Mercury.

A little juggling of perceptions, a little spinning, a little sitting tight, and then everything is fine again, at least for them.

The news papers and TV media have been incredibly slow to acknowledge the message of the “Occupy” protesters. They have all preferred to constrain the issue within parochial church affairs.

Not till the Archbishop of Canterbury expressed sympathy did they start to write about there being a case to answer by the plutocrats. That is why they are called plutocrats, by the way. They come from the underworld.

Peter McKay picks up the problem today in the Daily Mail. “Why terrorise inept clerics when they could camp on the doorsteps of Bob Diamond and his pals?” he says. But they aren’t terrorising anyone. My question is, can anything but terrorist tactics, fire and brimstone, do anything to dent the firewall of the arrogant rich.

Bob Diamond, and every other top banker who comes on air, seems to speak about appropriate remuneration for the scale of responsibility of these top people. But they did not take responsibility for the crash. Many did not even comprehend how it had happened. On this line of argument the dictators that are falling about us in the middle east should have been allowed to keep their vast fortunes, since they took responsibility for everything in their countries. In the past, Idi Amin and other tyrants slipped quietly into exile with their ill gotten gains. Gadaffi was not so lucky.

Cameron and Clegg mouth protests about income inequalities and unfairness. But they will never do anything serious to change things. Nor will Milliband, whatever he says now. He was part of the Blair project, which only made Thatcher’s changes worse for poor people.

The Christians made a fundamental change to western culture. They made one person a sacrifice for the failures of all time. Maybe it is time to revert to older ways. The pagans knew it was important to sacrifice the King in a ritual process that would ensure prosperity. This often meant ritual murder.

Leaders were heroes who suffered and died for us. Now only the poor squaddies die in Afghanistan for us.

If we are to start rebuilding the wicker man for a ritual regeneration of our Kingdoms, then our plutocrats may have something real to fear, when they steal from us, aggrandize themselves at our expense, and expect the rest of us to pay the price for their failures.

We await the fate of the new Greek Government and the old lecher, Berlusconi, with interest.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/business-15617132

Tuesday 4 October 2011

shadows


shadows
Originally uploaded by NickOwenPhotography.co.uk
A Lecture upon the Shadow
BY JOHN DONNE
Stand still, and I will read to thee
A lecture, love, in love's philosophy.
These three hours that we have spent,
Walking here, two shadows went
Along with us, which we ourselves produc'd.
But, now the sun is just above our head,
We do those shadows tread,
And to brave clearness all things are reduc'd.
So whilst our infant loves did grow,
Disguises did, and shadows, flow
From us, and our cares; but now 'tis not so.
That love has not attain'd the high'st degree,
Which is still diligent lest others see.

Except our loves at this noon stay,
We shall new shadows make the other way.
As the first were made to blind
Others, these which come behind
Will work upon ourselves, and blind our eyes.
If our loves faint, and westwardly decline,
To me thou, falsely, thine,
And I to thee mine actions shall disguise.
The morning shadows wear away,
But these grow longer all the day;
But oh, love's day is short, if love decay.
Love is a growing, or full constant light,
And his first minute, after noon, is night.

Wednesday 21 September 2011

the kiss of life

the kiss of life

It may take a moment before you see the reflection. Water is the very essence of life. In England we take it for granted even though the south east in becoming increasingly arid. G and I have found a new kind of heaven in a secluded valley where the evenlode flows . This. |I believe is the best image I have ever taken. The light is just perfect. But what do I do with it? Who would want a copy on their wall?

Wednesday 17 August 2011

IMG_5627

Another Oxfordshire Wedding. Good to witness something far removed from the recent riots

Monday 15 August 2011

Overexposed in Denver


Overexposed in Denver
Originally uploaded by bratjerm
In England we see rage and malice in the faces. Here there is only resignation

The Story Listener


The Story Listener
Originally uploaded by bratjerm
We are yet to hear the stories of the rage and despair of the people who rampaged through England last week
But the Government wants to punish first and listen maybe later

Sleeping Homeless Demo


Sleeping Homeless Demo
Originally uploaded by bratjerm
looks like the pain of the world staring you in the face.
As you know, England went up in flames last week. I don't think any of us here will ever feel the same about England. Maybe the damage was done years ago, by Thatcher and her "no such thing as society", and then Blair, the leader as war criminal.
Either way, the people of many of our cities rebelled, for no better reason than to loot and burn our stores.
If you worship mammon, Pluto, he will take you to his underworld.

All His Worldly Possessions in a Cart

I guess things hot America before they hit us.
Our social security prevents most homelessness.
It also provides a disincentive to create useful lives
and simply makes for angry resentful ungrateful young people

Denver Keys to the City


Denver Keys to the City
Originally uploaded by bratjerm
and in London in the streets where I used to live we just have a culture of rap and violence.
It was a safe place to live forty years ago
there was a community spirit
Since then the schools where I worked were taken over by the Government after failing.
My step sons live there now, with their father
Joel already had to change schools after he was mugged by class mates.

Tuesday 9 August 2011

Hackney burning

Living in Cameron land is not too threatening at least right now. My boys are in France for the summer, but they live a few hundred yards from the Hackney riots. Thirty years ago I lived there myself. My nephew now lives in a flat almost directly above the riots.

A young man of 22, he seems to have no connection to the young people who are looting and fire bombing. He felt both frightened and excited.

We may see him on Thursday. What else will have happened by then? What else does a 22 year old man think about this stuff?

Watch this space.

Criminality pure and simple! Pah!

Cameron comes on TV at five past eleven looking strong and resolute offering us 16,000 police on the streets of London tonight.
Maybe that will be enough. Maybe this is just opportunist theft. Maybe civil society will reassert itself. Maybe the wombles will come to our rescue.

So many maybes. Cameron may be jetlagged, but the oddest thing I heard was his statement that "we should be in no doubt the Government is on the side of the law abiding." That brings something we were most of us not doubting into deep doubt.

I feel old and weak at sixty. I don't want to face a sixteen year old with a gun or a baseball bat.
There is random violence here in Cameron's constituency, in Witney, already; nasty acts of seemingly random thuggery in the heart of wealthy conservative Oxfordshire.

Tonight there could be a riot here.

I have seen our society being shown to be riddled with corruption. I have seen our prime minister claiming for a chocolate bar on his expenses.

I have seen how Murdoch has been pulling the strings of Government for thirty years.

I have seen the BBC humbled and cowed by the Government over the war crime of Iraq.

I have seen how Governments for the last thirty years have all operated from the centre right or right of the centre right , when the vox populi has expressed a preference for moving leftwards.
We are told there are no rights and lefts any more.

The bankers have been allowed to go on creaming off the top of the world's money, in spite of the last financial met down.

As the stock market crashes again it seems likely that the ordinary people will be the ones to feel the brunt of it again, while the Government contemplates reducing taxes on the rich.

Maybe the rioters will drift into history or prison.

Maybe normality will be restored.

After the Brixton riots the way our capital was policed was reconsidered.

Maybe it is too early to think of anything much beyond saving our lives, our streets and our property right now.

But if this is not seen as a wake up call to the way our country is being run and changes are not made then there is no way ahead.

We are on the road to oblivion.

UK Burning

London is burning. Other cities are starting to burn too. Yet this is not a time of physical heat and humidity.
What is going on?

I have been an anarchist, philosophically, all my life. But I am not a nihilist. This looks like nihilism. If that is what is going on in our cities, why has no one noticed enough to write about it.
I can only assume it is because the media are run by the rich conservatives on agendas that have little or no relation to the lives and needs of the ordinary people.
I find myself feeling like an old conservative myself, demanding special forces to smash one of these groups of rioters to show the rest that they cannot get away with this.

If something like that does not happen I can see it getting worse; much worse.

Darcus Howe is brought on as a voice of the rioters and accused of being a rioter himself by the BBC. He seems to think it is racial oppression again. I am not so sure.

Already it is not just Tottenham and other historical riot spots. Even the police killing is not enough of an excuse.

Ealing is comparatively rich and affluent.

The time the Prime Minister is supposed to speak this morning keeps being put back.
Indecision and dither instead of decisiveness there then.

I shall post and watch to see if he comes on the air at the third time of asking or rather offering.